AN OLYMPIC LEGACY

     Many of us have watched the Olympics over the years.  However, the last Games of the XXXI Olympiad at Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, August 5-21, 2016 had a Motto “A New World” (Portuguese: Un mundo novo). There were 207 nations attending with 11,303 athletes who participated.  Its Motto was meaningful in particular ways.  But, before addressing them let’s take time to understand some history.

    The Olympic Games originated in ancient Greece primarily as a religious festival in honor of Zeus, the Father of all Gods.  The festival and games were held at a rural sanctuary site called Olympia in the western Peloponnesus peninsula of southern Greece.  It is not known just when the Games were first played.  The oldest recorded Olympic competition took place in 776 B.C.  It was the start of the first Olympiad, the four year period by which the Greeks recorded their history.  The games were a direct outgrowth of the beliefs and values of Greek society.  They idealized physical fitness, mental discipline and excellence in these attributes which honored Zeus.  The warlike city-states such as Sparta accepted the peaceful Olympic festivals and enjoyed the importance of athletic competition only to resort to war after the games ended.  Rome finally conquered Greece in 146 B.C.  It took over 1500 years for the Olympics to return.

     Rio has been faced with political and economic problems.  Yet, it has become the first South American city to host the Summer Olympics.  These were the first games to be held in a Portuguese-speaking country and the first to be held entirely during the host country’s winter season.  It is also the first time since 1968 that games were held in the Southern Hemisphere.  The lead-ups to the games were evident with issues including: the instability of the country’s federal government, healthy and safety concerns regarding the Zika virus and a doping scandal involving the participation of Russia’s athletes.

     Nevertheless, the spirit and excitement of the Games blossomed.  There was truly a “New World” exhibited.  Even athletes from the war-torn areas of the Middle East participated.  There was a great display of sportsmanship and goodwill among the participants.  When watching the events, one cannot escape the good feelings of seeing the handshakes and hugs shared among the athletes.  Even when a team or an athlete lost at an event, the drive and motivation to succeed was relentless.  There was no giving up.

When we see the turmoil and problems around the world and know there are terrible conditions facing people, the Olympics provide us with an optimistic view of life.

The excitement and enthusiasm of the athletes, their discipline and skill are reminders that the there is a positive future for humanity. 

 

 

 WHY HAVE ANNIVERSARIES?

 

 

Most weddings usually occur in June followed by July, August and September.

So, it stands to reason during the summer months couples celebrate their anniversary.
Tenure in a marriage can last anywhere from days to months to years.  There are those of us who have enjoyed over a half century of being together.  What did it take for us to maintain such a period of time together?  There is no simple answer.  As a matter of fact, if you interviewed each of us, you would get a myriad of explanations. 

It seems that there is a readiness for marriage and a personality mature enough to meet the commitment of a monogamous relationship.  When one is young, there is a tendency to romanticize the idea of love. That notion in itself gives one an ethereal feeling of adoration.   It’s like an experience that allows one to think that “falling in love” is the arrival of a utopia.  I would think those emotions nurture intimacy.  Yet, in time life teaches us that there is more than just living in a Disney World.  Healthy love allows us to keep our feet on the ground to attend everyday matters of living. 

Just recently, I read a feature article in the June 13, 2016 issue of Time magazine called “How to Stay Married” by Belinda Luscombe, editor at large. She addresses all the changes that occur in marriage making the point that lifetime monogamy is not a natural state, yet, it is worthwhile because it allows us to strengthen society.  It has provided a form of social stability.

Nevertheless, over many years, we have seen many changes in how marriages have formed.  Today, some couples live together and then marry.  Those who do marry experience big changes in their role as partners.  Sometimes the wife works and there is a stay-at-home dad.  For economic reasons, there are couples who still live with parents. Despite these variations many marriages endure to last for 50 or more years.

 Perhaps, the reason is they have learned to understand that “love is really a many splendid thing”.  They have learned that authentic love is an art form where each person respects another’s identity and never ever rejects their partner even when arguments occur. Therapists point out that intimacy can breed contempt which stifles vulnerability and without vulnerability intimacy can be lost.  Under such conditions, commitment in marriage can become strained. 

.Regardless of the trials and tribulations we faced during our years together, an anniversary is a time when we congratulate ourselves in knowing that we have maintained a close enduring relationship and nurtured shared interests.     

  

HOLDING HANDS

When we take the time to reflect on the journey of life, we come to realize how precious it is to share our love with each other.  However, our love and feelings of intimacy began with our mother.  She was the one who birthed you and probably the first person who held your little hand and provided you with nourishment, warmth and a safe place to rest your head.  That experience was the beginning of our earliest connection to give us a feeling of a bond to another person.

Physical intimacy is a sensual proximity or touching.  It is an act or a reaction that allows us to express feelings between people such as close friendship, love or sexual activity.  Examples of physical intimacy can occur without even touching another person such as sustained eye contact or when one enters another’s personal space. This kind of intimacy is a natural part of interpersonal relationships.  Research has indicated that it has health benefits.  A hug or a touch can result in a release of oxytocin, dopomaine, and serotonin, as well as a reduction in stress hormones.

 Holding hands, although a form of physical intimacy involving two or more people, may or may not be romantic.  In a scientific study, “Lending a hand”, neuroscientists from the University of Virginia and the University of Wisconsin studied the effect the simple act of a human touch has on people in stressful situations.  The participants underwent the threat of electric shock.  The researchers came to the conclusion that a “loving touch reassures.”  One of the researchers, Dr. James Coan said, “We found that holding the hand of really anyone made your brain work a little less hard in coping”.

 Holding hands is an act that is so common.  Pop stars and even animals do it.  It is also interesting that how you and your partner hold hands can reflect how you both see the relationship. According to a 2013 study published in Current Psychology about 90 percent of men when holding hands with their spouse put their hand on top, probably much like an adult puts their hand on top of a child’s hand. This behavior may imply that the man is the more dominant.  Yet, a 1999 study from the journal Perceptual and Motor Skills indicated that it is a more traditional way.  But what difference does it make?

What’s important is that there is a loving affective connection. It appears that we like to be connected.  Those of us in our senior years have faced a variety of stressful situations during our life such as illness, loss of a loved one, divorce, serious injury or even betrayal.  Yet, those moments when we felt a warm hand hold ours, it was so very comforting.  Sometimes, some of us enjoy holding hands while watching television or just sitting together and relaxing. There is a soothing warmth that radiates between us.

 

 

    

 

 

WHAT MAKES FRIENDSHIP

 

 

                                                    Those one cares about

                                                       Trust without doubt

                                                       Carry warm feelings

                                                       Make easy dealings

                                                       Always there to listen

                                                       When times are needed

                                                    To share private thoughts

                                                          For solace sought

                                                     Or enjoy pleasant times

                                                     For interesting diversions

                                                  That can become excursions

                                                       To enjoyable places

     There are so many synonyms for friends such as a pal, buddy, companion, acquaintance, comrade, ally, associate, colleague, supporter and helper.  If one prefaces the word true for each of the above synonyms, then the attribute of true adds an element of authenticity in a friendship.  It seems that true friendship constitutes an unconditional acceptance of another person.   This acceptance is lasting and enduring and regardless of intermittent or occasional disagreements there is a bonding of trust and faith with another that allows the friendship to endure   If the moral fabric of either friend is destroyed or lost, there is a strong possibility or even a probability that the friendship will deteriorate.  This situation is serious if both friends have always had similar moral values.  So, once the moral or ethical values are broken by either one the perception of respect for another person’s integrity can vanish.

    This explanation now offers an opportunity to become self reflective and to examine the kind of personality we have.  It is quite evident that in our advanced years we have become creatures of habits and carry some baggage from past experience that tends to influence our perceptions of other people and how we see the world.  It seems that we have ways of thinking, outlooks, thoughts, opinions, points of view, mind sets, attitudes and convictions that contributed to what we have become as a person.

    The question now is how well do we get along with each other?  How well do we make a conscious effort to be compassionate, accepting, empathic, understanding, sympathetic and patient with one another?  How well can we learn to be more comfortable and friendly?  It’s important to understand that learning is a powerful tool in life.  Unfortunately, the older we get the more of a challenge it is to learn, particularly at the rate we did when we were younger.  When we allow ourselves to be truly introspective, we can learn to understand how we can relate as a friend.  Undoubtedly,   it takes commitment, motivation and patience.

 

We aren’t given friendships.

We earn them!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE AGE RANGE CLUBS

Denarian: someone between 10 and 19 years of age
Vicenarian: someone between 20 and 29 years of age
Tricenarian: someone between 30 and 39 years of age
Quadragenarian: someone between 40 and 49 years of age
Quinquagenarian: someone between 50 and 59 years of age
Sexagenarian: someone between 60 and 69 years of age
Septuagenarian: someone between 70 and 79 years of age
Octogenarian: someone between 80 and 89 years of age
Nonagenarian: someone between 90 and 99 years of age
Centenarian: someone between 100 and 109 years of age
Supercentenarian: someone over 110 years of age

 Many people become members of these clubs during a lifetime.   Membership in any of them is not exclusive.  As a matter of fact, many people move from one club to another reaping its advantages.   However, not too many join the Nonagenarian Club.  But it is an honor to be admitted.  Extended longevity is a qualification to be enrolled.  It takes faith, love and personal responsibility to enjoy its benefits.   While in the club one has an opportunity to find even more appreciation of life.  There are continuous expectations to succeed and for some to be creative.  Also, there is great pleasure to be able to share and enjoy time with loved ones and to witness the achievements and success of one’s children and grandchildren.  There is so much wisdom and learning still to be gained in this club.

 Professor Dunbar of Columbia University studied people in their nineties and referred to them as nimble nonagenarians.  He considered them nimble because they do not accept what they hear about old age.  They are characteristically able to avoid negative emotions and have the psychological facility to bounce back from the setbacks of life.

Self worth plays a big part of their survival value and it has been said that, “depressed people may be realistic but optimists live longer.” 

The United States Census Bureau reports that because of the increase in life expectancy at older ages people 90 and older now comprise 4.7 percent of the population (age 65 and older) as compared with only 2.8 percent in 1980.  However, by 2050, this share is likely to reach 10 percent.  Such information might not appear statistically significant but it indicates that living longer can be a gift to enjoy. 

 So, those of us who see each other as older or getting older need not berate but praise aging and recognize it as a continued opportunity to benefit from life’s blessings.