HARD-WIRED RESPONSES

                                                             

In the last issue I addressed body language as one part of nonverbal communication.  Another component is the body’s response to stress.  There is a physiological reaction that occurs in each of us that can be exciting in a positive or terrifying way mentally or physically.   Such a condition has been researched to reveal that this excited state creates what has come to be called the fight-or-flight syndrome described in the 1920’s by an American physiologist Walter Cannon.   Essentially, it is a response that prepares the body to either fight or flee a threat perceived as real or imaginary.  Cannon discovered that our sympathetic nervous system is the part that operates unconsciously stimulating the release of hormones and glands which results in an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing.  It takes between 20 to 30 minutes for the body to return to its pre-arousal level after the threat is gone, 

Regardless of our age, stress is part of life and the way to handle it is how we deal with it.  At this point, it’s important to understand the difference between two of its attributes, fear and anxiety which occur in the fight or flight syndrome.   Both are helpful and provide us with valuable information.   These hard-wired responses tell us when danger is present and get us ready to act.   Fear is the emotion you experience when facing an actual situation.  For example, you might be afraid of snakes because the fear you have has a direct object.  Even when you are away from them you may still be afraid of them but your emotion may not be as high as if you were actually in front of them.  Whereas, with anxiety you experience uneasiness about something in which there is no direct object to fear but rather a free floating anxiousness or uncertainty about something that you might experience, but is not a direct object.  So we can say you have a high level of chronic apprehension or worry.  For example, if you don’t know whether you passed or failed a test or whether the storm will hit your house, you remain anxious.   Anxiety is more an intense level of worry often referred to in psychology as “angst” (From: German, a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically unfocused  about the human condition or the state of the world in general, a feeling of persistent worry about something even trivial).  It has been said that worry is like sitting in a rocking chair.  It can keep you very busy but it won’t get you anywhere.

An Austrian-Canadian endocrinologist, Hans Selye, did extensive research and documented that the physiology of stress differs from other physical responses in that it has two components:  a set of responses which he called the “general adaptation syndrome” and the development of a pathological state referred to as “ongoing, unrelieved stress”.  He considered these states to be largely attributed to glandular changes.   Whether one receives good or bad news, the impulses are stress.  He calls ones that are negative “distress” and those positive “eustress”. Thus, to him there are reservoirs of stress resistance and stress energy.   In conclusion, hard-wired responses can be neurological or glandular in origin.  Yet, it is up to us how we handle stress.

EYES SPEAK

Perhaps the most significant tool in non-verbal communication is our eyes.

Imagine how much we can learn from each other without saying a word.  We all read people’s eyes sometimes without even knowing why or how we do it.  It seems to be an inborn ability.  We can be 100 to 200 feet away from another person and still have eye contact.  We may not have details but we have the awesome facility to see and even interpret what the other person is signaling to us.

What about when we play cards such as bridge, poker or canasta? How much are we in tune to read the eye messages that we send and receive from each other?  Sometimes, an eye shrug which is often an upward roll of the eyes may signal frustration or exasperation, as if looking to the heavens for help.  Maybe, it’s like sending a non-verbal message such as, “let’s move on or play the hand, or do something, or stop wasting time!”

Then, of course there’s the wink, essentially a very intimate signal.  It is usually directed exclusively from one person to another as a friendly greeting, recognition or acknowledgement.  However, it is interesting to note that a wink can carry more personal meaning than a handshake or a kiss on the cheek.  It can also be a way of signaling a shared secret or a joke.

Eyes that stay focused on another’s are generally regarded as a sign of showing interest toward what is being signaled.  Yet, one may be attentive but harbor thoughts of deceit, defensiveness or suspicion.   Many inferences can be made by a sender or receiver.  Therefore, it is important to be conscious of how we communicate with our eyes.  

They speak without a sound!.

      

BODY LANGUAGE

It's really amazing how much we tell each other without saying a word.  How we move, sit, stand, look, lean or even touch can convey what we think, feel or want.

Obviously, people who are mentally or physically challenged in using the sense of hearing, speaking, moving or seeing learn to communicate very well by compensating for any deficit they may have.  But, I am saying that those of us who have all our faculties sometimes forget or ignore the kinds of messages we send to one another.

Body language is referred to as Kinesics (pronounced “kineesicks”, from the Greek, meaning motion) and is only one aspect of the entire field of non-verbal communication.   The latter encompasses much more such as voice quality (paralanguage), touch (haptics), distance, informal space around the body (proxemics), use of time (chronemics) and eye contact (oculesics) which involves the actions of looking while talking and listening, frequency of glances, patterns of fixation, pupil dilation and blinking rate.  Body language is usually subconscious behavior and is, therefore, considered distinct from sign language, which is fully conscious and an intentional act of communication.

Given the many factors involved in body language, this article will address how body postures can affect our relationships.  Slouching, towering over another, legs spread or crossed, jaws thrust, shoulders forward, and arms crossed can send or be received as  messages interpreted as good or bad.   They can indicate the degree of (1) “openness” one may have to another person.   A person who displays a forward lean or decreases a backward lean also signifies a positive sentiment during communication.   In social situations it’s important to observe how we interact personally regardless of what we say.  Perhaps the saying, “Actions speak louder than words” has true meaning.

Studies (2) of posture on interpersonal relationships indicate that mirror-image congruent  postures, where one person’s left side is parallel to the other’s right side, leads to a favorable perception of communicators and positive speech.   Why then, for years , people are interviewed in offices usually  placed in a face to face position with the interviewer?  Perhaps that’s more of a protection for the interviewer?  It seems that such a position makes it more difficult to establish openness.

Sometimes we are not aware of  how important it is to try and  be more sensitive when connecting in social conversations.  How much are we in touch with ourselves and those around us?

1. Knapp, Mark L., & Hall, Judith A. (2007) Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction . (5^th ed.) Wadsworth: Thomas Learning. ISBN 0-15-506372-3

2.. Bull, P. E. (1987). Posture and Gesture. Oxford: Pergamon Press. ISBN 0-08-031332-9.