RIGHT OR WRONG\

It seems that the foundation for a balance of life in a society is its system of morality. Morality is derived from the Latin moralitas meaning "proper behavior". Being moral is sometimes synonymous with "goodness" or "rightness", depending upon a society's values. Each person is usually introduced to morality in early childhood. Unfortunately, it is not always that simple because our environment can interfere with how we behave.

There are those who are immoral; that is, they reject a code of right or wrong possibly because of personal issues or abuse. There are those who in some cases are amoral; that is, they are unaware of or indifferent to any set of moral standards. For example, feral children born in the wild have not had any knowledge of morals. Also, there are people who have severe limited mental ability and are incapable of internalizing notions of right and wrong.
For the most part, most of us learn to live by a set of ethics, a code of behavior that is also referred to as morals. It is often said we have developed a social conscience. We conform to a personal sense of right conduct and if it is breached we experience a feeling of shame. In most instances we feel sorry and try to make amends.
Maybe that's why it is often said, "Let your conscience be your guide".  Remember the song from the original Walt Disney movie Pinocchio?Jiminy Cricket sang it to Pinocchio:

 



 

When you get in trouble and you don't know right from wrong

Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!

When you meet temptation and the urge is very strong

Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!

Not just a little squeak, pucker up and blow

And if your whistle's weak, yell, "Jiminy Cricket!"

Take the straight and narrow path and if you start to slide

Give a little whistle! Give a little whistle!

And always let your conscience be your guide.

Keep in mind that a conscience is one's own sense of right conduct.

It was developed from early childhood and has become a part of life ever present even in one's senior years. However, sometimes situations or conditions faced over time have allowed us to justify or make excuses for inappropriate behavior. Those of us fortunate to have a family, children and grandchildren know how they look to us as a model of ideals. When we get impatient or short tempered, it can bruise our personal connections. It seems well worthwhile to recognize that how we conduct our life provides a gift or legacy for those we love. How well do we let our conscience be our guide?





 

WALKING

 

Just taking a stroll
Making no haste
Or going to a place
Maybe going faster
 With no time to waste
To keep the pace
Hoping to win a race

 

 

 

BELLS
Sound weddings
Answer doors
Note elevator floors
Greet winter sleighs
Begin work days
Call meeting times
Signal alarms
Set clocks to awaken
Alert seat belts to buckle
Chime slot machine wins
Give lovers jingles in their ears
Lasting all their years

 

 

USING TIME

 

 

I have come to realize that the time we had off from publishing News and Views this summer didn't actually change the time I use ordinarily. I found that what I have done from day to day didn't change my daily routines. However, not meeting any deadline for a few months allowed me to explore more ideas for writing.

It seems that not having any deadline to meet let me get a little lazy and I became good at procrastinating to write. Now that I still have time, my thoughts have wandered into such a relaxed mode that I have spent much of my time reading and pondering about the world at large.

Outside of the gates of Cascade Lakes there is a plethora of good and bad news. It seems that if we allow ourselves to let local, national and international news become a big part of our free time we might get depressed. For example, the economy has been and still is in trouble. Mother Nature has given us severe draughts and devastating fires. Tragedies of major murders and personal abuses appear to be painful daily events.

However, I prefer to spend more of my time absorbing the news of sports and positive events. Television also offers us a variety of programs that are amusing, educating and entertaining. Sure our personal tastes vary and we have a myriad of choices. Emphasis on those events that are uplifting, stimulating and exciting can be a boon to us. You don't have to like baseball or football but how can you not be captivated by the wonderful athletic prowess of the young people in the Olympics.

Those of us in our senior years may not have the mobility of our younger years but our mental faculties still serve us very well and we can enjoy much of life through vicarious experiences. It is very important to keep ourselves occupied with time that is satisfying and fulfilling. Using our time with upbeat moments can lead to optimistic outlooks.

OUR INTENTIONS

 Our relationships with people can change from time to time. Sometimes we like, love, hate, envy, or resent them. We might even have these feelings toward a person we have never seen or met. To understand these feelings we need to look at ourselves and if you can allow yourself to reach out, it's amazing how much you can accomplish.

Let's begin by trying to understand the meanings of terms we often use. We speak of one having compassion; that is, showing concern for the suffering of another person. We might say we are in sympathy with one's views. Empathy involves the ability to identify with what someone else is feeling almost to the point of actually feeling the emotion of what one is experiencing, be it sadness, happiness or even anger.

There may be times when we don't get along with others or even want to be their friend. But, we all have good intentions and the capacity to wish them well. Some of us may have negative intentions but we are capable of changing those intentions to be positive. It really is a matter of the attitude we have.

Recent research reported in the Journal Social Psychological and Personality Science indicates that good intentions can be an important part in our daily experiences. One example is that one group of participants sat in an easy chair with an electronic massage pad which was turned on by a computer. A second group received the same massages but the pad was turned on by a human. The second group reported experiencing more pleasure from the massage than the first group. In another study, people were given a candy package with a note on it for Valentine's Day. For half the participants the note stated, "I picked this just for you. Hope it makes you happy." For the other half the note read, "Whatever--I don't care. I just picked it randomly." Research showed that the candy tasted better and sweeter when participants received the note of good intentions than the note that stated the candy was chosen randomly.

Acting with good intentions means we are doing something out of the goodness of our heart. That kind of behavior makes for good relationships and can provide enriching experiences. It does matter if we act with good intentions rather than to act indifferently or with meanness. It's a healthy philosophy to believe that people are generally good and want to be happy.
In essence, we do care about what another person's intentions are. The goal is for positive connections.

  Important questions to ask are: Was something done on purpose or by accident? What is our outlook? What will be our intentions to address the matter?



 



   

    OPINION

Speak what you believe

A privilege to say what you want

Without knowing all the facts

Expanding a lie

Waiting to receive an agreement to flaunt

Hoping others will twist ideas

And continue to taunt

Showing how ignorance can fly

Making the truth lost

Never to be taught

While honesty pays the cost

 

KEEP YOUR COOL

"Did you hear the way they were yelling at each other? Did you see how they became red in the face?" These are questions that you might try to answer when you witness arguments. It seems that people can get so emotional they might go out of control. But the fact of the matter is that most of the time they don't end up punching each other. The more important question is "Why don't they punch each other?" 

Theories about emotions reach back at least to the time of the ancient Greek philosophers; and, there is still no simple explanation of an emotion. However, it is considered a very complex interaction of one's physical and mental activity. Given this feeble explanation, we can readily see what a challenge it is for us to maintain a healthy outlook in life. After all, we do have happy and unhappy situations that provide us with strong feelings—emotions.

Psychology over the years has presented numerous theories to describe what causes emotional behavior. The field of neuroscience (the study of the nervous system) has emerged in the 21^st century and has made advances in helping us understand emotions. Dr. Richard J. Davidson, Professor of Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, is a pioneer in brain research for more than thirty years. In his recent book, The Emotional Life of Your Brain, Penguin Books, 2012, he introduces Emotional Styles for helping us learn how to deal with our emotions.

Richardson claims that each person has unique emotional styles, which consist of six distinct components:
1. Resilience (how rapidly we recover from negative emotions),
2. Outlook (the duration of positive feelings),
3. Context (the degree to which we adapt our emotional responses. 
    For example, you won't talk to your employer the same way you would to your spouse),
4. Social Intuition (your sensitivity to people's facial and verbal expressions; your ability to
    empathize with their emotions),
5. Self Awareness (the degree you are aware of your emotional signals), 
6. Attention (how focused or distracted your mind is).

What makes his research interesting is that he has, through studying brain images, been able to show that there is a definite interrelation between the thinking part of the brain and the part of the brain that plays an important role in our negative emotions, such as stress, fear or anxiety. He discovered that the more connections between these two parts of the brain, the better we are able to manage our emotions. Fewer connections make it more difficult for one to recover quickly, thus, people linger longer in a negative emotion. Formerly, neuroscientists considered emotions mainly controlled by the part of the brain that reacts to stress and fear.

The evidence of his research shows that the brain is now known to have neuroplasticity, the ability to change its structure and function. We can learn to control and manage our emotions by applying the components of emotional styles. You can

 "Keep Your Cool".


 

A WINNER

Never takes no for an answer
Motivated like a prancer
Trying to reach a goal
Overcoming barriers
Using heart and soul
Having patience when needed
Receiving the award
Of self satisfaction
And personal gratification

 

 

 

SKY MASTER

 

I often wonder why we can't have more sunny days particularly during the rainy season. It seems like several days go by and all we get is rain and gray skies. I remember when I lived in England, those gray days lasted for weeks and I came to realize why the English people had such white skin and yet rosy cheeks, because they hardly got to see the sun. Well, I got to thinking about my old friend the Sky Master who once told me many years ago that he was doing some research and some day would finish his invention.

So, I decided to pay him a visit. He lived in an old house in the countryside where he was surrounded by acres and acres of land. When I arrived he was very pleased to see me and wondered where I had been for so many years. He looked hardy and had not aged at all. He still had his white beard and was smoking his curved briar pipe while sitting in his rocking chair on his front porch.

I asked him how he was doing with his weather inventions and without saying much, he took me for a walk to the huge barn behind his house. The double doors were open and as I looked into the barn my question was answered. Hanging on one wall were loads of bicycles with colored umbrellas fastened to them. Another wall was adorned with caps, each with a small umbrella glued on top. On the floor were stacks of hooded raincoats each dyed with rainbow colors. Piled up on the other wall were over a thousand rolls of heavy steel baling wire. As we walked toward the back of the barn I saw thousands of brooms piled to the ceiling. Each broom was about nine yards long with thistles at least nine yards long, made from broom corn, bound on each cylindrical broom handle whose base was at least a yard wide. I was amazed by such a spectacle.

"No doubt you are wondering what all that is about," he said. "Those wires and brooms are for my major project. I contacted a company to build one hundred of their sturdiest and highest flying helicopters with pilots trained to implement my project. I arranged to have each helicopter connected with the baling wire to which the brooms would hang below. The helicopters were to fly above the clouds parallel to one another, each at least five miles apart. Then, the pilots were to synchronize their journey by flying into the clouds and sweep away the rain clouds. For about a few hundred yards it seemed like the project was going to be a success. But, unfortunately, the broom thistles got so wet that the weight of the brooms broke away from the baling wire. Like the Wright brothers in their early attempts to fly failed, so did I. But, all this material you see is my second order of equipment and I plan to try again with more durable thistles."

I know that many of us in the community like to play tennis and golf or bask in the sun near the pool. I guess we will have to wait until the Sky Master succeeds in sweeping the clouds away.








 

CLOUDS
Can block the sun

Limiting places for fun

If they get dark

There's no walk in the park

But a movie becomes a base

To spark our interest

For diverting a dreary day

Challenging our emotions

While the clouds pour their oceans

So when we go home the sun

Out again is drying the water

Offering choices for taking a new step

To avoid puddles we face

Keeping our feet from getting wet

 

 

WALLS

They mark off spaces

And give us rooms

To eat or sleep

Or places for people to meet

Sometimes they block the way

Holding others at bay

Denying the chance

To build a door

Or staying in a cell many years

Paying a price

For doing wrong

By stealing, wheeling and dealing

Playing with vices

That can ruin a life

Then finally listening and taking advice

Walking away through a door in the wall

Having paid the penalty

Enjoying the space well earned

 

IS THE SKY FALLING?

When I hear and read so much about how times are bad and the world is facing economic crises, a famous fable comes to mind. Remember the story of Chicken Little and The Sky is Falling? This tale dates back as far as 1916 and there are several accounts of it all of which relate to a chicken who believes the world is coming to an end.

The best known version concerns a chick that believes the sky is falling when an acorn falls on its head. The chick decides to tell the King and on its journey other animals (mostly other fowl) join in its quest. From here on, there are many endings. In the most familiar, a fox invites them to its lair and eats them all. In one story, the chick is warned and escapes and in others all the animals are rescued and finally get to speak to the King. The moral to be drawn depends upon the ending. If it is happy, it means not to be chicken and have courage. If the birds are eaten by the fox, the message might be not to believe everything you are told. The important point to be made is that we do not need to accept there is a bad sign indicating a hysterical belief that disaster is imminent.

It is true that the world has experienced devastating wars and shocking crimes to humanity. Yet, I have heard it said that life was much less complicated years ago. Milk was delivered to your house. We listened to the radio and were not couch potatoes drugged by TV. We left our front doors and automobiles unlocked. We enjoyed going for walks without carrying mace to protect us from molesters. In essence, life was much simpler and peaceful years ago.

Just by chance, I came across a very interesting psychologist, Dr. Steven Pinker, a professor at Harvard University. He is a prolific writer who has authored eight books as well as published for the New York Times, Time Magazine and the New Republic. His academic work and research has been devoted to cognition and the mind. However, in more recent years his interests have expanded to the cultural aspects of the human condition. In his latest book, The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined, published by Viking Press, 2011 he makes the claim that the 21^st century of terrorism in the Middle East, genocide in Darfur, civil war in Somalia represent the least violent era in human history. In this startling book with the help of more than a hundred maps and graphs, he presents some astonishing numbers. Tribal warfare was nine times as deadly as war and genocide in the 20^th century. The murder rate of Medieval Europe was more than thirty times what it is today.

What has happened to bring down substantially the degree of such violence? How could this have happened if human nature has not changed? Pinker asserts that we need to understand the inner demons that pull on us. Humans are challenged to let the better angels steer us to reason. It is our increasing control of impulses and the ability to empathize that reduce the tendency toward violence. The sky is really not falling!


 

WALKING ON EGGS

Most of the time feelings are comfortable in conversations with people. However, there are occasions when it becomes necessary to be very guarded in how we speak to another person. It's usually a situation in which we tread lightly around a sensitive topic or make every effort not to offend a potentially volatile or hypersensitive person. Politicians sometimes will use caution as well as diplomacy to avoid possible arguments regarding certain issues. Then, there are family members who are very careful to avoid talking to a loved one whose serious medical diagnosis recently has been revealed. Employers sometimes find it difficult to offer suggestions to an employee who is known to be very sensitive to receiving any form of constructive criticism regarding the outcome or progress of a work project, particularly if the employee is known to be easily upset.

Any of these preceding situations occur as part of the whole human condition. Yet, there are individuals who have poor anger management skills or a hair trigger temper. The slightest offense or deviation from a usual routine may be enough to set off an emotional outburst or even a physical reaction. This potential volatility may be enough to cause others to modify their own behavior and actions to maintain a tense but workable social environment. Avoiding a temperamental person may be viewed as a form of self-preservation often accompanied by a degree of anxiety or dismay. Failing to maintain a calm non-confrontational atmosphere may end badly.

Some people who show emotional instability or vulnerable temperaments have been identified in the field of psychology as possessing a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions and feelings about themselves and others. These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships. The causes of (BPD) are unknown; but, genetic, family, and social factors play a role.

Professionals and researchers such as Drs. Kernberg, Beck, Gunderson, and Herman all concur that people with a Borderline Personality Disorder typically see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down upon the next day. Such shifts in feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships. These people have primitive defenses that include magical thinking. For example, they may think that someone is reacting negatively toward them without bothering to find out if their perception is correct. Therefore, they become impatient and appear to reject others.

Unfortunately, it is sometimes very difficult and uncomfortable for friends or relatives to relate socially in the presence of an individual with a Borderline Personality Disorder. Friends become sensitive to the distancing that is created and will either avoid the person or become very obsequious or submissive to that person. Relatives often try to appeal to them suggesting ways to change their behavior but are unsuccessful.

.Most people are aware of their shortcomings but rarely are willing to face them. They continue to convey and exhibit many behaviors that are characteristic of a borderline personality. It's sad that some of us need to "walk on eggs" to get along with those who can only see black and white but no gray.






 

MIAMI DOLPHINS
ARE AN INSPIRATION 

     I have found the Miami Dolphins to be a very dedicated, motivated and loyal team. Their record this season was by no means high in the rankings of the football leagues but the Miami Dolphin entire organization deserves to be highly praised for what it has accomplished. Following the team's games this season has set a very good example to me and anyone who has at some time experienced failure or a defeat. To see the team rally together with such a united spirit sets a model of great courage and fortitude. They aroused in me as a spectator continued confidence to know that adversity always can be overcome. The drive to succeed is an essential ingredient for good mental health. Sometimes people lose sight of the human potential they have. How important it is to always face challenges regardless of the obstacles they encounter. Usually going uphill is much more difficult than going downhill and we saw this happen all the way from the Dolphins' preseason games to the last ones. Yet, they never faltered but kept moving onward. 
 
   Having taught at a university for twenty years and been a practicing psychologist I am very aware of the many trials and tribulations we humans face throughout life. What I admire so much is how well the Dolphin organization, which involved not only the team members but the coaches and managers, joined together to support each other to bring their season to a positive, uplifting, and I might say, victorious conclusion. Regardless of the scores, the effort to succeed against failure deserves to be highly honored. The Miami Dolphins are a true inspiration to all of us.