LOVE

“The rose is red, the violet’s blue,

The honey is sweet, and so are you.

Thou art my love and I am thine;

I drew thee to my Valentine:

The lot was cast and then I drew.

And Fortune said it shou’d be you.

(From: English Nursery Rhyme (1784)

By the time this article is read, Valentine’s Day will have passed.  However, curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.  Thus, my interest was aroused to find out the origin of Valentine’s Day.  Historically, the holiday emerged as a religious event.  One might say that it really started as a very ancient pre-Roman festival called Lupercalia observed from February 13 through February 15 to avert evil spirits and purify the city, releasing health and fertility.  Interestingly enough, the Latin word for fever (febris) is associated with the same idea purification or purging, commonly related to fevers.  Hence comes February, the English from the Latin, Februarius. 

The holiday of Valentine’s Day eventually began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints.  However, the first recorded association of the holiday with romantic love is noted in the High Middle Ages by Geoffrey Chaucer (1382), when the tradition of courtly love flourished.  Its customs developed in 19th century England and have spread to other countries as well as American culture.

The concept of love has many variations and does not appear to be just romantic love. Think of the love expressed for parents, sisters, brothers, other relatives and friends.  As it has been said, “Love is a Many Splendored Thing”. There was a time when a young lady shared her unhappy feelings toward her parents and related how for years she never felt that she met their expectations of love and devotion.  Eventually, after extended counseling, she and her family really bonded in their relationship.  Many changes in their attitude toward each other occurred.  One thing the young lady did was that she came to the realization that sending greeting cards such as Valentines, birthday or anniversary cards were always nice to underscore her love to her family.  However, they were expected notices of devotion.  So, she decided that during the year, on no special occasion, she sent them a card or made a phone call just to let them know how much she was thinking of them and told them of her love for them.  The fact that her overture was not expected and spontaneous reinforced her authentic love.

Sometimes the spontaneous sharing of one’s love has a tremendous impact on validating one’s love.  Yet, it is sill nice to recognize special occasions.  

  

                                 FEELING GOOD

Food that one savors

Receiving a nice flavor

Helping others is a pleasure

Giving is a treasure

On a bus no extra seat

Offering yours is a treat

Entering a store

So kind to hold the door

    What relates to feeling good?  Being kind?  Being generous?  Being thoughtful?  Being polite?  Being courteous?  Using ethics?  Using etiquette?  It seems that each time any of these attributes occur there is an expression of a real authentic and comfortable connection with life.  In many respects there is no monetary or material cost.  It is, however, very gratifying for one who is involved in any of them.

    Most people face issues of one kind or another during a lifetime and sometimes, come stress, anger, frustration, disappointment or sadness.   Despite these obstacles when you experience diversions from these issues, certain behaviors result in one feeling good.  For example, walking past someone you don’t even know catching one’s eye can evoke a friendly smile bringing a moment of feeling good.

    When you do a favor without anyone asking for it, your mind has allowed you to think beyond your present stress and there are moments of feeling good.  If you are caught up or preoccupied feeling sorry for not reaching a goal, extending yourself to help your neighbor carry her groceries to her car is an act of generosity that can make you feel good.  It’s funny how the little things can take the edge off frustration.  When you are faced with what appears to be an insurmountable problem in balancing your checkbook, step away and you can find a resolution to your frustration by offering to assist your spouse to put a box up on the shelf.  Then, when you return to the checkbook, your mind has cleared enough to find another approach to the problem and you feel good because you balanced the checkbook.

    Etiquette often referred to as using manners goes far beyond those of Emily Post, famous for her writings on such matters.  When you are sneezing and coughing near other people, you can feel good, even momentarily, when you are courteous by excusing yourself.  There is also a connection between ethics and etiquette.  

    If you have been brought up with a moral code of behavior, it encompasses certain values that are important to you.   When standing in line to go to a movie, someone cuts in front of you and it can be both a breach of etiquette and unethical behavior.  Seeing a movie is your way of finding relaxation from a stressful day with family problems.  You can step away from being upset, to think clearly and feel good.   Somehow, recognizing that your place in line will not make you lose out to go to the movie and the other person’s behavior, although unethical was not your behavior.   Feeling good comes about very rapidly and is not a form of rationalizing.  It is an authentic feeling based upon your ability to move beyond your instant emotion.  Thinking can allow you to feel good.  Remember James Brown’s song?
                                             “I Feel Good !”
                                                         
                                                             

                                                     

                                                         
                                                              

   

IBIS OR EGRET

Birds can reach the sky

Finding a level very high

Landing on a quiet place

Taking a slow pace

Foraging for food

To feed their brood

Having built their nest

It is time to rest

Giving the young care

For them to soar above the clouds

And find new spaces away from crowds

    Once in a while when I am in front of my house or walking in the neighborhood I see a beautiful white bird with a long neck and a sharp pointed beak probing in the grass.  It moves slowly on its long legs and then turns its head from side to side.   Its movements are graceful and smooth and are very relaxing for me to watch.  Sometimes, it will stay very still as if it is listening to something and then moves on as if searching.  I am fascinated by it and yet puzzled to identify it as an egret or an ibis.  Not being an ornithologist (expert on the study of birds) I decided to research the identity of these two birds.

    Herons are long-legged freshwater and coastal birds with some 64 recognized species. Some are called egrets or bitterns.  Egrets are not a biologically distinct group from the herons; and, they tend to be named differently because they are mainly white or have decorative plumes.  Although they have the same build as herons, they are smaller.  There is still no clear consensus about their genus classification.   During the 19^th and early 20^th century egrets were endangered having been hunted for their plumes by hat makers in Europe.  A visit to the Wakodahatchee Wetlands or Green Cay here in Palm Beach County allows one to see many birds some of which are egrets.

    The American ibis, often referred to as the white ibis, is among the wading birds like the egret and both are indigenous to Florida.  It is a modestly sized bird weighing about two pounds.  It has been the most abundant in the Everglades.  However, today it has become urban.  The University of Miami adopted the American white ibis as its official athletics mascot in 1926 and the yearbook was named as the Ibis that year.   There appear to be such a variety of ibises and egrets that it is difficult to say which is larger. You will need to determine which species of each to compare their size.  Both birds are monogamous, care for their offspring, are nomadic, forage for food and for the most part have adapted to our backyards.  If you happen to see one and can identify it as an ibis or an egret please let me know.

  

                               ?

FIST BUMPS

 

 

     We all know how good the feeling is to shake hands.  It seems to be a habit that we have learned from childhood.   It’s a custom that has quite a long history.  One explanation of its origin goes back to medieval times when knights would show and grip each others’ hands to confirm that they were not concealing weapons and meant no harm to each other.  The first documented human handshake appears in museum archaeological displays of Assyrian-Babylonian friendship.   Ancient texts show that handshaking was practiced in ancient Greece as far back as the Fifth Century B.C.  
     Handshaking is done upon meeting, greeting, and parting, offering congratulations, expressing gratitude, or completing an agreement.  It’s also done as a sign of good sportsmanship to convey trust, respect and equality.   Today, there appears to be a glitch to this practice.  Have you noticed the prevalence of antiseptics made available for us in grocery stores, hotels, cruise ships, hospitals and many other public places?  We are encouraged to wash our hands or use products such as Purell or Lysol Wipes.  We are not becoming mysophobic (fearful of germs), but there is a major drive toward health consciousness to avoid the spread of germs, particularly from our hands.
     The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 80% of all infections are transmitted by hands.  The CDC points out that hand washing is like a “Do it Yourself” vaccine involving five easy steps:  Wet, Lather, Scrub, Rinse, and Dry.  This process can reduce the spread of diarrheal and respiratory diseases.  The spread of influenza, an attributable illness in adults, costs the nation $83.3 billion each year in lost productivity and medical bills.
     There is a movement afoot to end hand shaking by introducing a style of greeting referred to as Fist Bumps or High Fives.  Researchers at the Institute of Biological, Environmental and Rural Sciences at Aberystwyth University in Wales documented that Fist Bumps are 20 times more hygienic than handshakes.  The results were published online (2014) in the American Journal of Infection Control.  Dr. David Bishai at Johns Hopkins University (2011) was inspired to study handshaking by observing 16 graduations of 5,000 students in which Deans and seniors shook hands.  He had the left and right hands of the deans before and after each handshake cultured.  There was some pathogenic evidence in only the right hand.  But, the results were not significant.   The point is that contamination by hand shaking may yet to be confirmed. There is no doubt that handshakes do transmit pathogens.
     A Fist Bump is performed when two participants each form a closed fist with one hand and then lightly tap the front of their fists together.  This sign may be done with either hand.  Fist bumping first appeared in the 1940s as biker gangs gained popularity.  Motorcyclists sitting next to each other at traffic lights found it easier, given their riding stance to extend a quick fist bump to a fellow rider.  Today, it appears to have become popular with young people and also among athletes competing.
     I doubt whether we, as seniors so habituated by hand shaking, may find it comfortable to resort to such a greeting. Yet, maybe we could give it a try.  

 If nothing else, be sure to wash our hands often and after a   hand shake.

 

 

 

 

 

              

 

 

 

 

 

              

SELFIES

 Somehow or other, my curiosity has been aroused whenever I have seen the word selfie.  I looked it up in the dictionary and did not find any definition for it.   My further study indicated that on November 19, 2013 Oxford Dictionaries announced it as its Word of the Year.   Research by its language editors reveals that the frequency of the word in the English language has increased by 17,000 percent.  Selfie is not yet in the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) but is being considered for future inclusion.  Now, what does it mean?  It is a self-portrait photograph usually taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone that is uploaded to social media.

 The impact modern technology has made on cultures is amazing.  Think about it!  Before the dawn of a camera, self-portraits were created by hand. Witness those of great artists such as Vincent Van Gogh, Paul Cezanne, Leonardo da Vinci, Rembrandt, Claude Monet, Paul Gauguin, Salvatore Dali, Pierre Renoir and Rafael. Today, with a click on a camera, a selfie is formed.

 And, what a remarkable invention the camera is!  Its origin dates back to the ancient Chinese and Greeks when the principles behind the pinhole camera or camera obscura were developed where the image is flipped upside down because light travels in straight lines from its source.  Eventually, the theory of optics emerged.  The daguerreotype (French) method was introduced in 1839 as the first publicly announced photographic process to come into widespread use.  We may remember seeing some of those daguerreotypes produced by Mathew Brady, a famous military photographer of the Civil War.  

 The introduction of the Kodak Brownie box camera in 1900 led to photographic self-portraits becoming a more widespread method.  Now, the popularity of digital cameras and smart phones has blossomed like a bed of flowers that really didn’t need to be watered. The corporations such as Samsung, Sony, Apple, T-Mobile and Verizon have captured the consumer market.

 Secretary of State John Kerry was in a photograph Thursday, May 2, 2014 in the issue of the Sun Sentinel while he was visiting a hospital in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  He is shown taking a selfie with his arm outreached in front of him while standing among nurses and workers at the Ghandi Memorial Hospital.  Initially, selfies have become popular with young people, as well as celebrities, and are most frequently posted on Facebook.  Time magazine by the end of 2012 considered selfie one of the top 10 buzz words of that year.  It is interesting that the origin of the word selfie has been attributed to a slang expression back in 2002 first appearing in an Australian internet forum (ABC Online) of a Young Australian who having fallen accidentally while drunk at a mate’s 21^st party apologized profusely while trying to take a picture saying, “and sorry about the poor focus, it was a selfie”. 

 Whatever the case may be, the selfie is here to stay.  Perhaps anyone who has yet to use or own a Smartphone may be out of touch with the contemporary scene of popular photography. 

 

  Maybe it could be enjoyable to use   one.

 

 

A SENSE OF HUMOR

 

     The Review Section of the Wall Street Journal of Saturday, March 22, 2014 had a very interesting article called “It’s Funny How Humor Actually Works.” by Dr. Scott Weems, a researcher at the University of Maryland.  His recent book is “Ha! The Science of When We Laugh and Why” (Basic Books, 2014).   He discusses how humor is a form of exercise that keeps the brain active.  A study by Avner Ziv of Tel Aviv University found that those who listened to a comedy album before taking a creativity test performed 20 percent better than those who were not exposed to the album beforehand.   Researchers at the University of Maryland discovered that watching comedy more than doubles one’s ability to solve brain teasers.
     Humor also helps to prepare the mind to deal with stressful events. A study by Arnold Cann, a psychologist, at the University of North Carolina had subjects watch 16 minutes of stand-up comedy before seeing an infamous shock film depicting gruesome scenes.  Those who watched the comedy before the horrid film experienced significantly less stress than those who first watched a travel show instead.
     Dr. Weems makes a further point that not every kind of humor is helpful.  Taking a sardonic, sarcastic or derisive attitude toward life can be unhealthy, especially when it relies on constant self deprecation.  Nicholas Kniper of the University of Western Ontario reports that individuals who resort to this type of humor exhibit higher rates of depression with higher anxiety and lower self-esteem.  Enjoying a good laugh at oneself can be healthy as long as one isn’t always the brunt of the humor.
     It’s well known that humor and laughter is the best medicine.  They also play a significant role in building strong, healthy associations by bringing people closer together.  When establishing a new relationship, humor can be effective in overcoming any awkwardness that may arise during the process of getting to know one another.  In long-term relationships humor can keep things fresh and exciting.  When one laughs with another, a positive bond is created.  Humor is not a miracle cure for interpersonal problems; but, it can be an excellent tool to help overcome the rough spots that occur from time to time.
     There is no age limit for a moment of laughter, “Doctor, I’m having a very difficult time hearing.”  The doctor asks, “Which ear is it?”  The man answers, “2014.”   

                       A sense of humor is the key to resilience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

                                 HARD-WIRED RESPONSES

                                                             

In the last issue I addressed body language as one part of nonverbal communication.  Another component is the body’s response to stress.  There is a physiological reaction that occurs in each of us that can be exciting in a positive or terrifying way mentally or physically.   Such a condition has been researched to reveal that this excited state creates what has come to be called the fight-or-flight syndrome described in the 1920’s by an American physiologist Walter Cannon.   Essentially, it is a response that prepares the body to either fight or flee a threat perceived as real or imaginary.  Cannon discovered that our sympathetic nervous system is the part that operates unconsciously stimulating the release of hormones and glands which results in an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing.  It takes between 20 to 30 minutes for the body to return to its pre-arousal level after the threat is gone, 

Regardless of our age, stress is part of life and the way to handle it is how we deal with it.  At this point, it’s important to understand the difference between two of its attributes, fear and anxiety which occur in the fight or flight syndrome.   Both are helpful and provide us with valuable information.   These hard-wired responses tell us when danger is present and get us ready to act.   Fear is the emotion you experience when facing an actual situation.  For example, you might be afraid of snakes because the fear you have has a direct object.  Even when you are away from them you may still be afraid of them but your emotion may not be as high as if you were actually in front of them.  Whereas, with anxiety you experience uneasiness about something in which there is no direct object to fear but rather a free floating anxiousness or uncertainty about something that you might experience, but is not a direct object.  So we can say you have a high level of chronic apprehension or worry.  For example, if you don’t know whether you passed or failed a test or whether the storm will hit your house, you remain anxious.   Anxiety is more an intense level of worry often referred to in psychology as “angst” (From: German, a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically unfocused  about the human condition or the state of the world in general, a feeling of persistent worry about something even trivial).  It has been said that worry is like sitting in a rocking chair.  It can keep you very busy but it won’t get you anywhere.

An Austrian-Canadian endocrinologist, Hans Selye, did extensive research and documented that the physiology of stress differs from other physical responses in that it has two components:  a set of responses which he called the “general adaptation syndrome” and the development of a pathological state referred to as “ongoing, unrelieved stress”.  He considered these states to be largely attributed to glandular changes.   Whether one receives good or bad news, the impulses are stress.  He calls ones that are negative “distress” and those positive “eustress”. Thus, to him there are reservoirs of stress resistance and stress energy.   In conclusion, hard-wired responses can be neurological or glandular in origin.  Yet, it is up to us how we handle stress.