CLOUDS
Can block the sun

Limiting places for fun

If they get dark

There's no walk in the park

But a movie becomes a base

To spark our interest

For diverting a dreary day

Challenging our emotions

While the clouds pour their oceans

So when we go home the sun

Out again is drying the water

Offering choices for taking a new step

To avoid puddles we face

Keeping our feet from getting wet

 

 

WALLS

They mark off spaces

And give us rooms

To eat or sleep

Or places for people to meet

Sometimes they block the way

Holding others at bay

Denying the chance

To build a door

Or staying in a cell many years

Paying a price

For doing wrong

By stealing, wheeling and dealing

Playing with vices

That can ruin a life

Then finally listening and taking advice

Walking away through a door in the wall

Having paid the penalty

Enjoying the space well earned

 

IS THE SKY FALLING?

When I hear and read so much about how times are bad and the world is facing economic crises, a famous fable comes to mind. Remember the story of Chicken Little and The Sky is Falling? This tale dates back as far as 1916 and there are several accounts of it all of which relate to a chicken who believes the world is coming to an end.

The best known version concerns a chick that believes the sky is falling when an acorn falls on its head. The chick decides to tell the King and on its journey other animals (mostly other fowl) join in its quest. From here on, there are many endings. In the most familiar, a fox invites them to its lair and eats them all. In one story, the chick is warned and escapes and in others all the animals are rescued and finally get to speak to the King. The moral to be drawn depends upon the ending. If it is happy, it means not to be chicken and have courage. If the birds are eaten by the fox, the message might be not to believe everything you are told. The important point to be made is that we do not need to accept there is a bad sign indicating a hysterical belief that disaster is imminent.

It is true that the world has experienced devastating wars and shocking crimes to humanity. Yet, I have heard it said that life was much less complicated years ago. Milk was delivered to your house. We listened to the radio and were not couch potatoes drugged by TV. We left our front doors and automobiles unlocked. We enjoyed going for walks without carrying mace to protect us from molesters. In essence, life was much simpler and peaceful years ago.

Just by chance, I came across a very interesting psychologist, Dr. Steven Pinker, a professor at Harvard University. He is a prolific writer who has authored eight books as well as published for the New York Times, Time Magazine and the New Republic. His academic work and research has been devoted to cognition and the mind. However, in more recent years his interests have expanded to the cultural aspects of the human condition. In his latest book, The Better Angels of Our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined, published by Viking Press, 2011 he makes the claim that the 21^st century of terrorism in the Middle East, genocide in Darfur, civil war in Somalia represent the least violent era in human history. In this startling book with the help of more than a hundred maps and graphs, he presents some astonishing numbers. Tribal warfare was nine times as deadly as war and genocide in the 20^th century. The murder rate of Medieval Europe was more than thirty times what it is today.

What has happened to bring down substantially the degree of such violence? How could this have happened if human nature has not changed? Pinker asserts that we need to understand the inner demons that pull on us. Humans are challenged to let the better angels steer us to reason. It is our increasing control of impulses and the ability to empathize that reduce the tendency toward violence. The sky is really not falling!


 

WALKING ON EGGS

Most of the time feelings are comfortable in conversations with people. However, there are occasions when it becomes necessary to be very guarded in how we speak to another person. It's usually a situation in which we tread lightly around a sensitive topic or make every effort not to offend a potentially volatile or hypersensitive person. Politicians sometimes will use caution as well as diplomacy to avoid possible arguments regarding certain issues. Then, there are family members who are very careful to avoid talking to a loved one whose serious medical diagnosis recently has been revealed. Employers sometimes find it difficult to offer suggestions to an employee who is known to be very sensitive to receiving any form of constructive criticism regarding the outcome or progress of a work project, particularly if the employee is known to be easily upset.

Any of these preceding situations occur as part of the whole human condition. Yet, there are individuals who have poor anger management skills or a hair trigger temper. The slightest offense or deviation from a usual routine may be enough to set off an emotional outburst or even a physical reaction. This potential volatility may be enough to cause others to modify their own behavior and actions to maintain a tense but workable social environment. Avoiding a temperamental person may be viewed as a form of self-preservation often accompanied by a degree of anxiety or dismay. Failing to maintain a calm non-confrontational atmosphere may end badly.

Some people who show emotional instability or vulnerable temperaments have been identified in the field of psychology as possessing a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions and feelings about themselves and others. These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships. The causes of (BPD) are unknown; but, genetic, family, and social factors play a role.

Professionals and researchers such as Drs. Kernberg, Beck, Gunderson, and Herman all concur that people with a Borderline Personality Disorder typically see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down upon the next day. Such shifts in feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships. These people have primitive defenses that include magical thinking. For example, they may think that someone is reacting negatively toward them without bothering to find out if their perception is correct. Therefore, they become impatient and appear to reject others.

Unfortunately, it is sometimes very difficult and uncomfortable for friends or relatives to relate socially in the presence of an individual with a Borderline Personality Disorder. Friends become sensitive to the distancing that is created and will either avoid the person or become very obsequious or submissive to that person. Relatives often try to appeal to them suggesting ways to change their behavior but are unsuccessful.

.Most people are aware of their shortcomings but rarely are willing to face them. They continue to convey and exhibit many behaviors that are characteristic of a borderline personality. It's sad that some of us need to "walk on eggs" to get along with those who can only see black and white but no gray.






 

MIAMI DOLPHINS
ARE AN INSPIRATION 

     I have found the Miami Dolphins to be a very dedicated, motivated and loyal team. Their record this season was by no means high in the rankings of the football leagues but the Miami Dolphin entire organization deserves to be highly praised for what it has accomplished. Following the team's games this season has set a very good example to me and anyone who has at some time experienced failure or a defeat. To see the team rally together with such a united spirit sets a model of great courage and fortitude. They aroused in me as a spectator continued confidence to know that adversity always can be overcome. The drive to succeed is an essential ingredient for good mental health. Sometimes people lose sight of the human potential they have. How important it is to always face challenges regardless of the obstacles they encounter. Usually going uphill is much more difficult than going downhill and we saw this happen all the way from the Dolphins' preseason games to the last ones. Yet, they never faltered but kept moving onward. 
 
   Having taught at a university for twenty years and been a practicing psychologist I am very aware of the many trials and tribulations we humans face throughout life. What I admire so much is how well the Dolphin organization, which involved not only the team members but the coaches and managers, joined together to support each other to bring their season to a positive, uplifting, and I might say, victorious conclusion. Regardless of the scores, the effort to succeed against failure deserves to be highly honored. The Miami Dolphins are a true inspiration to all of us.

AGE

Birth starts the day

For one to grow

Making the way

To reach a stage

That shows a blossom

Almost ready to pick

But plucked too soon

May leave no room

For its stems to flourish

Time and patience

Love and affection

Become the sources

To nourish perfection

 

 

    FIRE

Strike a match

The flame is bright

Just one scratch

And you have a light

For use as you wish

A cigarette to inhale

It's bad to breathe

Or a fire for life

A tool for warmth

A well cooked meal

A path in the dark

A torch to roads

Leading to new goals