WALKING ON EGGS

Most of the time feelings are comfortable in conversations with people. However, there are occasions when it becomes necessary to be very guarded in how we speak to another person. It's usually a situation in which we tread lightly around a sensitive topic or make every effort not to offend a potentially volatile or hypersensitive person. Politicians sometimes will use caution as well as diplomacy to avoid possible arguments regarding certain issues. Then, there are family members who are very careful to avoid talking to a loved one whose serious medical diagnosis recently has been revealed. Employers sometimes find it difficult to offer suggestions to an employee who is known to be very sensitive to receiving any form of constructive criticism regarding the outcome or progress of a work project, particularly if the employee is known to be easily upset.

Any of these preceding situations occur as part of the whole human condition. Yet, there are individuals who have poor anger management skills or a hair trigger temper. The slightest offense or deviation from a usual routine may be enough to set off an emotional outburst or even a physical reaction. This potential volatility may be enough to cause others to modify their own behavior and actions to maintain a tense but workable social environment. Avoiding a temperamental person may be viewed as a form of self-preservation often accompanied by a degree of anxiety or dismay. Failing to maintain a calm non-confrontational atmosphere may end badly.

Some people who show emotional instability or vulnerable temperaments have been identified in the field of psychology as possessing a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This disorder is a condition in which people have long-term patterns of unstable or turbulent emotions and feelings about themselves and others. These inner experiences often cause them to take impulsive actions and have chaotic relationships. The causes of (BPD) are unknown; but, genetic, family, and social factors play a role.

Professionals and researchers such as Drs. Kernberg, Beck, Gunderson, and Herman all concur that people with a Borderline Personality Disorder typically see things in terms of extremes, such as either all good or all bad. A person who is looked up to one day may be looked down upon the next day. Such shifts in feelings often lead to intense and unstable relationships. These people have primitive defenses that include magical thinking. For example, they may think that someone is reacting negatively toward them without bothering to find out if their perception is correct. Therefore, they become impatient and appear to reject others.

Unfortunately, it is sometimes very difficult and uncomfortable for friends or relatives to relate socially in the presence of an individual with a Borderline Personality Disorder. Friends become sensitive to the distancing that is created and will either avoid the person or become very obsequious or submissive to that person. Relatives often try to appeal to them suggesting ways to change their behavior but are unsuccessful.

.Most people are aware of their shortcomings but rarely are willing to face them. They continue to convey and exhibit many behaviors that are characteristic of a borderline personality. It's sad that some of us need to "walk on eggs" to get along with those who can only see black and white but no gray.